I cannot tell you how many conversations I’ve had with friends about how “lucky” I am to be able to do anything I want, when I want, with who I want. I won’t lie, I like my freedom. I don’t mind kayaking or hiking by myself, vacationing by myself, only answering to myself. Since the kids have grown up and abandoned me….I mean….gone out on their own, I’ve gotten used to it. I like the world I live in. I like….I need my space. I learned several times the hard way that feeling suffocated by someone is not healthy for me and it causes me to close up, do a 180, and run. Sometimes though, I would like to not always be alone or be the third wheel. It’s at these moments that I figure it’s a good time to give online dating another try, because I’ve learned (again, several times the hard way) that dating someone from work isn’t always the best idea and to be honest I don’t really meet a lot of single guys anywhere else. I’m a bit of a hermit and as much as those spunky rom-com’s show just how easy it is to find the man of your dreams while squeezing cantaloupe in the produce section it just doesn’t happen. Plus, I hate grocery stores anyway.
So for all of the reasons above I’ve found myself back on the online dating carousel because three dates in six months may put me in the same category as the crazy cat lady and I’m just too young and cool for that. I’m not some pathetic, hopeless chick sitting around waiting for her knight in shining armor to show up and save the day. I’m out doing stuff. I’m busy. I’m happy. I have a life. I don’t need some guy to complete me. I am whole all on my own, but sometimes I look around and notice that something is missing in my life. And I’m not a nun, so I decide it’s time to give this online dating thing a try….again…. because the other two times I did it years ago worked out SO WELL for me….why not give it another try, right?!? If you’ve never, ever had to go through the process let me give you the run down (no….my profile isn’t worded like this, but when putting together these were the underlying tones.):
About me: I’m an independent, quirky chick that does her own thing, doesn’t need a man to complete her, loves the outdoors, my dog is my best friend, looking for Mr. Right. Do you really think that’s you??
What I’m looking for: A guy that is funny and smart and can handle a strong and sarcastic chick like me. Being hot helps. Not being a suffocating pain in the ass is vital to a successful outcome.
Wink reply: (If you’re sitting back wondering what the hell I’m talking about…one can actually just click on “wink” instead of messaging an actual message with words that might actually garner my attention). Mine starts with “Yo, Dude….” and doesn’t go anywhere after that might actually encourage a “winker” to now send me a message with actual words that might garner my attention.
After this brief synopsis on my actual online dating profile you may NOT be wondering, as do I, why I am still single. I know why. I’m independent and quirky and straightforward and want a guy that has the gumption to deal with all of that, because if they can’t…..well, they are going to bore me to tears and cause me to run.
OR….if they happen to get past the initial introduction and we meet for coffee and after fifteen minutes I’m now bored to tears, realizing that they somehow managed to fly under the radar and are already inviting me for a week in Captiva because they can’t handle the idea of spending a few days with only their own company I’m just going to be straight and say, sorry…not feeling it…and go (because inside the red lights are blaring and the horn is wailing loudly….STAGE THREE CLINGER!!! RUN, RUN, RUN!). And I go. And the next day Stage Three Clinger proceeds to continue to text me to see if I really meant what I said and maybe we should just give it a try. Ah…..let me think about that for three seconds….NO.
AND….then there are the dates that GO AMAZINGLY GREAT. Spark, connection, captivating conversation, laughter, and an earth shattering end of the night kiss. You hear from them or see them a time or two afterwards and then they just fade off into the distance and never bother to think that honesty may be a good policy and say, “Yo…not feeling it” and go. They just fade off, ghost you, leaving you wondering if it was the fact that you shared your blog after a few dates and they read it and now think you’re crazy and unstable or if they just really weren’t feeling it and didn’t have the balls (sorry, there’s just not a nicer way to say that) to just be straight.
Honesty, people. It’s a thing. It’s not hard. Use it.
All of this (insert me, hands raised, quizzical look fixed on my face, pointing to all of the above) is why I hate dating. It’s brutal. It is vulnerability on steroids. You gotta give it a little…but not too much! It’s shaving your legs far more often than you want. It’s meeting new people, and if you know me this is one of my least favorite things. But ya know what? It’s kinda necessary once in a while. My aversion to doing so, immense.
So when my married or taken girlfriends drool over the fact that I had a date with a hot investment banker (that never called again) or a great connection with a former G-Man that faded off into the wild blue yonder I tell them…..the grass is not greener. If you want to be single, this is not all there is to it. It’s fun….a little. For the most part it is guys being douchey, sending you stupid winky messages thinking that is going to be enough to get your attention and proclaiming you’re a stuck-up bitch because you’ve ignored their incredibly seedy invitation. It’s guys thinking you don’t have other options (NEWS FLASH: I DO!). It’s dinners alone. It’s vacations with your dog. It’s going to bed at night cuddled up with said dog and a good book. The truth is sometimes it sucks being single at 46.
You’ve got to know your worth and know what you want.
Yes, I’m still waiting around for my Mr. Right. He’s out there somewhere (I’m starting to think that the ONE person that is meant for me may be stuck in the Bermuda Triangle or driving in continuous circles on a round-about somewhere). I know that I’m not going to compromise again. That just leads to me running back to New Hampshire after a year of trying to be a normal person and who’s got time for THAT??
Guys….Girls…. My message for you today is if you’re in something and you’re only thinking that the grass on the other side of the fence…my side….with dinners for one and quiet, peaceful vacations without anyone to talk to for days (which for the record I happen to LOVE) is better than whatever struggles you may be going through at the moment, take a step back and realize it’s not all fun and games and hot investment bankers. If you’re bored, if you’re just needing a change, if you just need something new and cute in your life???? Get a puppy.
AND GUYS….. If you’re trying the online dating thing and thinking your game is ON by “winking” at some chick you might be interested in you are VERY wrong. Start a conversation and talk about more than the weather. UP YOUR GAME. Ask her about herself, her hopes, her dreams, her favorite movie…. Something, other than that stupid wink. It’s creepy even electronically.
That is all…..