January Thaw

Winter.  Spring.  Summer.  Fall.

The seasons alone didn’t do justice even to the Gilmore Girls.  It skipped the details and left questions unanswered.  They came to an end and left us wondering about so many things.

WAIT……..What did we miss?  What’s next?  NOOOO……you can’t end this way?!?!

Childhood.  The teenage years.  Adulthood.  Senior life.

The freedom of having no responsibilities.  Learning to do for ourselves.  Having to do it all ourselves.  Denying the fact we can’t do it anymore.

Love.  Heartbreak.  Grief.  Peace.

There are more facets to our lives than the just the beginning, middle, and the end.  There are moments in between that glisten in the light while others shatter into a million icy pieces.  Some are dull and lifeless while others take your breath away.  Moments are wonderful and painful and bland and cannot simply be boiled down into four tiny little compartments.  This isn’t just three strikes…..or four seasons…and we’re done.  We live each moment in between.  Unlike life in Stars Hollow, we live them all, FEEL them all.  Good.  Bad.  Fun.  Boring as freaking hell.  The good news (and the bad news) is these moments don’t last.

Sometimes life can just hit you where it hurts and it’s been like that for me the last couple weeks.  It’s cold.  It’s dark when I leave for work and dark when I get out.  I’m stressing about money.  There’s too much to do.  Nothing is going the way I want them to and I just want things to change NOW.

Patience:  Not my thing, but I’m totally trying.  The Universe just has a different timeline for me and although I understand it, I’m not necessarily liking it.  Thankfully this weekend the weather was rather un-January like for New Hampshire and me and the dog put on some warm clothes and hit the trails.

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So first, one of the amazing selling points of my house when I purchased it almost two years ago was the fact that it borders a State Forest.  That I can head out my front door and a half mile later be lost in miles of wilderness is heavenly.  So that is exactly what me and Bugsy did!  It’s not kayaking, but getting out in the woods allows me to free up the space in my head that tends to get overgrown with LIFE and all the crap that gets stuck there.  I walked.  Over ice, snow, mud.   Up hills and down hills (OK, I may have SLID down more than I walked down and the dog chasing chippys at that exact moment did not help).  Six miles later I was able to put all the stuff that was in my head into perspective.  I remembered that this soon will pass.  Like every other moment.

Two years ago I didn’t even want to walk a mile, be in public, or talk to people.  I couldn’t grocery shop without having a panic attack.

Three years ago my house was falling apart.  My pipes would freeze whenever temps neared zero.  How many mornings had I spent under my house with my hairdryer that winter?

Five years ago I was getting eviction notices because I was having a hard time paying lot rent and shut off notices from the electric and cable companies.

Thirteen years ago I was terrified about starting all over and having to support myself and my children and starting a new job.

I GOT THROUGH ALL OF THIS.

That’s where I was.  What the heck am I doing now complaining about life not being fair.  About it not giving me the things I want right now.  I have an amazing roof over my head without pipes that freeze and a shed full of wood to keep me warm til spring.  I have a regular paycheck.  Health.  Family.  Friends.  This stuff that’s getting me down is nothing in comparison to the mountains I’ve climbed in the past.

Bet your bottom dollar, the sun will come out tomorrow!

AND…..even if it doesn’t, cause let’s be honest this IS New England and it IS January and who knows what the weather is going to be like, BUT spring will come and daylight when we’re able to witness it will happen again and this horrible thing we call winter will end and life will return to normal soon.  Winter will pass.  It is inevitable.  It may suck.  It may hurt.  It may almost kill you to get through, but you WILL GET THROUGH IT and there is a light, or warmer weather, or everything you wanted waiting for you on the other side.  Always remember where you’ve been or where you could be.  It helps keep your troubles today in perspective.

Here’s to hoping that whatever troubles you are facing today melts with the winter snow.

That Phil doesn’t see his shadow.

That everything you’ve ever dreamed of comes true.

But first……let’s get through what’s left of this winter!


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